The Auerbach REFS Model for Coaching Change with Emotional Intelligence
Part 4A: Stress Tolerance
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The final element in the Auerbach REFS Model for Coaching Change series (Reality Testing, Empathy, Flexibility, Stress Tolerance), is Stress Tolerance—the capacity to stay grounded and effective under pressure. In the Emotional Quotient Inventory 2.0 framework it refers to one's ability to withstand adversity, maintain composure, and positively cope with challenging situations. From a coaching psychology perspective, it overlaps with resilience—the learned ability to bounce back from stress and adapt effectively.
This article defines Stress Tolerance through the lens of emotional intelligence and coaching, explains why it is necessary for leaders guiding organizational change, or employees experiencing disruption, and provides evidence-informed strategies (including neuroscience insights) to develop this skill. In the second portion of this article, published separately, I will share specific coaching strategies, and a case study of a healthcare leader who, through coaching, learns to harness Stress Tolerance to navigate a high-pressure change initiative.
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Defining Stress Tolerance, Emotional Intelligence and Coaching
Stress Tolerance in the EQ-i 2.0 model (a well-validated emotional intelligence assessment) is the capacity to competently manage oneself, one's relationships with others, and influence outcomes positively during periods of high stress. This translates into dealing with stressful situations in a constructive manner, staying calm during demanding circumstances, and handling situations with minimal anxiety. High Stress Tolerance is characterized by an optimistic outlook and the ability to see the big picture even when under pressure. Those who excel in this area engage active coping strategies and attitudes, a component of hardiness. For example, the hardy individual that's facing rapid changes, may constructively move into problem-solving, seeking support—rather than becoming overwhelmed. In contrast, low Stress Tolerance often manifests as feeling helpless or overly anxious in the face of stress, and can lead to giving up, burnout or reactive behaviors.
From a coaching psychology viewpoint, Stress Tolerance is closely related to resilience. Coaches working with clients in this dimension emphasize building habits and mindsets that increase one's buffer against stress. This involves developing awareness of stress triggers and responses, enhancing emotional regulation skills, and strengthening the coachee's belief in their ability to handle difficult situations. Psychologist and former UC Berkeley professor, Dr. Richard Lazarus emphasized that stress is not just a stimulus but a mental transaction—it arises from how we appraise a situation relative to our coping resources. Coaching can thus help leaders re-appraise challenges more objectively and regain a sense of control. By defining stress as a manageable response rather than an insurmountable threat, a leader can shift from overwhelm to composure and empowerment.
Why Stress Tolerance Is Essential in Organizational Change
Leading organizational change, or experiencing the change, is inherently stressful. Uncertainty, high stakes, resistance from stakeholders, or insensitivity from management create difficult conditions for even the most seasoned leaders. Stress Tolerance is essential for leaders and employees in change contexts because it directly impacts decision-making, relationships, and the overall climate during a transition. Research shows that chronic high stress impairs cognitive functions like attention and working memory, undermining effective decisions. A leader under extreme stress may become irritable or impulsive, eroding trust and destabilizing their team. In contrast, a leader with strong stress tolerance can remain composed and clear-headed when challenges mount, providing a stabilizing presence for others. This composure helps in two ways:
Better Decision-Making Under Pressure
A leader who tolerates stress well is less likely to fall prey to the "amygdala hijack"—the emotional fight-or-flight response that can override rational thinking. They can pause, reflect, and choose how to respond based on reality (tying back to Reality Testing) rather than reacting out of fear. By managing their own distress, such leaders make more objective, strategic decisions during change. They leverage problem-solving skills even amid chaos, leading to more resilient outcomes for the organization.
Emotional Contagion and Team Resilience
Leaders' emotional states are contagious. Studies confirm that stressed leaders "transmit" stress to their employees, negatively affecting team well-being and performance. During change, if a leader is visibly anxious or burned out, their team's anxiety spikes, communication suffers, and morale drops. On the other hand, a leader who demonstrates characteristics of calm stress management skills acts as a steady emotional anchor. Their steadiness fosters psychological safety and confidence among employees. In short, a leader's stress tolerance sets the emotional tone in the environment—it can either trigger more stress in others or promote the conditions for resilience across the team.
Furthermore, maintaining stress tolerance is necessary for sustainable leadership over time. Organizational changes are often marathon events, not sprints. Leaders who neglect their stress levels often experience symptoms, such as exhaustion, health problems, or burnout that derail the change effort. By practicing stress management, leaders safeguard their energy and focus for the long haul. They model self-care and balanced productivity, which encourages their teams to do the same. Ultimately, Stress Tolerance serves as the final, but essential, element in the REFS model of emotionally intelligent change leadership, enabling leaders to apply their reality testing, empathy, and flexibility skills consistently even under prolonged pressure.
The Neuroscience of Managing Stress and Emotions
Neuroscience research provides us with insights into how leaders can manage stress and build tolerance. Stress is not only psychological but also physiological, triggering brain-body systems that can either spiral into agitation and impulsiveness or be calmed through regulation techniques:
Cognitive Appraisal and the Brain
How we interpret a situation influences our stress response. When we practice cognitive reappraisal—intentionally reframing a threat as a challenge or finding a silver lining—we engage the brain's prefrontal cortex (the center for reasoning and executive control). Brain imaging studies show that activating the prefrontal cortex in this way downregulates the amygdala, the brain's fear center. In other words, by changing our thinking about a stressor, we can dial down the brain's alarm signals. Leaders who learn to pause and reframe ("What would be a helpful way to look at this?") are tapping into this neural mechanism of emotional regulation, thereby reducing their stress "temperature" and helping them remain more poised.
Autonomic Nervous System and the "Vagus Brake"
Under acute stress, our bodies often launch into "fight or flight" mode via the sympathetic nervous system—adrenaline spikes, heart rate increases, and muscles tense. While this response can be useful for short bursts, and emergencies, it's counterproductive if constantly activated during long periods. Effective stress tolerance involves engaging the parasympathetic nervous system (the "rest and digest" side) to calm the body. One key physiological enabler of lowering one's stress level is the vagus nerve, which acts like a brake on the stress response. Techniques like slow, diaphragmatic breathing stimulate the vagus nerve and shift the body into a relaxation response. Leaders can use simple practices such as taking a few deep, slow breaths before a high-stakes meeting or during a conflict. This strategy lowers heart rate and cortisol levels, helping the leader to regain composure and prevents hyperventilation which can trigger a panic attack. Over time, regular practice of breathing exercises or meditation can increase one's baseline vagal tone, helping one's body and mind to become more resilient and enabling it to recover faster from stress.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness-based practices, such as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), have been extensively studied for their impact on the brain. These practices train individuals to maintain a calm, nonjudgmental awareness of the present moment, even when situations are uncomfortable. Neuroscience research has found tangible changes in the brains of those who undergo mindfulness training. In one study, participants in an 8-week MBSR program showed decreased gray-matter density in their amygdala, correlating with reduced perceived stress. They also showed increases in brain regions associated with learning, memory, and emotional regulation (the hippocampus and prefrontal areas). What this means for leaders is that mindfulness may build lasting stress tolerance at the neural level. By regularly practicing mindfulness or meditation, people reshape their brains to be less reactive to stress and more attuned to reasoned responses. Many coaches integrate mindfulness techniques—such as guided breathing, body scans, or reflective journaling—to help leaders strengthen this inner resilience. Over time, leaders report not only feeling calmer, but also more self-aware of their stress signals and better able to reset amid chaos.
Stress Tolerance, the final foundational element of the four phase Auerbach REFS Model for Coaching Change, represents a skill essential for sustained, emotionally intelligent leadership during times of organizational disruption. Through the lens of emotional intelligence, coaching psychology, and neuroscience, we've explored why enhancing stress tolerance is necessary for leaders and employees to deal with the complexities and pressures of change. Neuroscience insights, including cognitive reframing, autonomic nervous system regulation, and mindfulness-based interventions, highlight how specific, evidence-informed practices can effectively recalibrate our stress responses, providing pathways to greater resilience and composure.
As change accelerates, stress usually rises too, so mastering Stress Tolerance skills will continue to be necessary to be at our best—not just for personal well-being, but for fostering stable, resilient, and productive teams.
In my subsequent, second half of this article in this REFS Model for Coaching Change series, I'll provide practical coaching strategies and present a detailed case example demonstrating how these tools empower leaders in real-world settings to successfully navigate challenging transitions.
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References
- Auerbach, J. (2001) Personal and Executive Coaching: The Complete Guide for Mental Health Professionals. College of Executive Coaching
- Bonnesen, L., Pihl-Thingvad, S., & Winter, V. (2022). The contagious leader: a panel study on occupational stress transfer in a large Danish municipality. BMC Public Health, 22(1), 1874
- Hölzel, B.K., Carmody, J., Vangel, M., Congleton, C., et al. (2011). Mindfulness practice leads to increases in regional brain gray matter density. Psychiatry Res: Neuroimaging, 191(1), 36-43
- Lazarus, R.S., & Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, Appraisal, and Coping. New York
- Pierce, J.E., Blair, R.J.R., Clark, K., & Neta, M. (2022). Reappraisal-related downregulation of amygdala activation occurs only during the late trial window. Cognition, Affect, Behavioral Neuroscience, 22(4), 777-787
