The Auerbach REFS Model for Coaching Change with Emotional Intelligence
Part 3: Flexibility
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"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change."
—Charles Darwin
Current shifts in leadership and strategic direction, and soon, the increasing adoption of AI, will require people to make an increasing amount of adjustments—and often with little notice. Flexibility, as a core emotional intelligence competency, enables us to adapt our thinking, behavior, and strategies effectively in the face of shifting demands.
This article, the third in the four-part series on the Auerbach REFS Model for Coaching Change, focuses on Flexibility—the "F" in REFS. The REFS Model—Reality Testing, Empathy, Flexibility, and Stress Tolerance—provides an emotional intelligence-based framework for coaches to support leaders in navigating transitions. Measured through the Emotional Quotient Inventory 2.0 EQ-2.0 assessment, each element of the REFS model plays a specific and vital role. Where Reality Testing helps leaders assess facts, and Empathy allows them to connect with people, Flexibility empowers them to adjust, shift course, and stay responsive.
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What is Flexibility in the Emotional Intelligence Framework?
In the EQ-i 2.0 model, Flexibility is defined as one's ability to adjust emotions, thoughts, and behaviors to changing situations and conditions. It includes being open to new information, ideas, and unexpected developments. Flexibility is not the absence of structure—it's the capability to adjust as needed.
In coaching psychology, flexibility is closely tied to cognitive agility—the ability to shift mindsets when the old way of thinking no longer fits. It's also a hallmark of psychological resilience. Rigid leaders tend to experience more stress, reduced creativity, and lower team engagement. In contrast, flexible leaders are often seen as pragmatic, innovative, and, when combined with empathy, trustworthy.
Why Flexibility Matters During Organizational Change
Disruption requires leaders who can recalibrate rather than double down on outdated strategies. Here's how flexibility serves as a linchpin in leading change effectively:
Facilitates Innovation
Adaptability creates space for creative problem-solving. Leaders who are flexible can think beyond established routines and consider alternative pathways that better fit emerging realities.
Strengthens Decision-Making
Rigid adherence to prior decisions may delay necessary change. Flexibility enables leaders to incorporate new data and revise strategies without ego defensiveness or fear of appearing inconsistent.
Supports Emotional Regulation
A flexible mindset reduces resistance to change. Leaders who can "bend without breaking" are less likely to become emotionally reactive and are better able to stay calm and focused under pressure.
Increases Team Confidence and Morale
Employees look to leaders for cues. When leaders model composure and adaptability, it encourages others to do the same, building a more resilient organizational culture, while helping to maintain morale.
Coaching Questions and Assignments to Develop Flexibility
After clients have received their emotional intelligence assessment feedback and have selected Flexibility as a focus area, coaches can facilitate development through targeted inquiry and exercises. Below are sample coaching questions and potential homework assignments:
Coaching Question
"When was the last time you resisted a change, big or small? What can you notice about your mindset and emotional state in that moment?"
Coaching Question
"How do you typically respond when your plans are disrupted? What helps you shift gears effectively?"
Coaching Assignment
"For one week, identify three instances where you adapted your approach or perspective in response to new information. Write down what happened, how you adapted, what helped you adapt, and what the outcome was."
Coaching Question
"What assumptions are you currently holding that might be limiting your ability to see alternative solutions?"
Coaching Assignment
"Ask three trusted colleagues to describe one suggestion to refine how flexible you are in your leadership approach. Reflect on the feedback and identify one behavior you want to experiment with fine-tuning."
Case Example
From Resistance to Responsiveness
Valerie, a Vice President in a health technology company, was leading a product development team during a sudden regulatory change, and a sharp economic downturn that required her to make major and painful adjustments. Valerie was a high empathy leader who normally vigorously defended her team. She initially questioned and then moderately resisted the changes that were being imposed by the executive team, believing the team's project was too far along to pivot. Her initial protectiveness and rigidity caused some delays, triggering frustration in her manager and a headache for a cross-functional partner.
Fortunately, Valerie had already been working with a coach. In coaching, Valerie explored how her somewhat fixed mindset was perhaps fueled by fear of lost progress and heartfelt concern for her employees. Initially she did not see how she could use some of her other strengths such as teamwork and empathy to help make some changes that she still felt integrity about. However, she began practicing small acts of flexibility—soliciting diverse opinions, holding daily check-ins, and being more open about unknowns. Fortunately, over a short period of time, she gained insights into how she could shepherd in some needed adjustments while still doing her best for her employees and the organization's business needs.
By fostering adaptability in herself, Valerie accepted input, collaborated more and regained the slightly damaged trust from her manager. The team had to make sacrifices, work harder and they ultimately succeeded in creating a modified product that met regulatory requirements and was still well suited to user needs. Her shift toward a more flexible stance was credited by peers as key to salvaging her reputation and her team's success.
The Psychological Underpinnings of Flexibility
From a consulting psychology perspective, flexibility is often linked to cognitive reframing, psychological openness, and mindset theory (Dweck, 2006). Executive coaches who understand these constructs can help clients distinguish between healthy structure and unhelpful rigidity.
Research also connects high flexibility to greater well-being. For example, studies show that leaders with higher cognitive and emotional flexibility report lower burnout and higher leadership effectiveness (Pulakos et al., 2019). Supporting clients in broadening their adaptability can be one of the most transformative coaching outcomes.
Flexibility is being proved necessary for steering organizations through uncertainty as change accelerates. Within the REFS Model, Flexibility enhances and extends the benefits of Reality Testing and Empathy. It allows leaders to make grounded decisions while staying responsive to dynamic environments and human needs.
Executive coaches can support leaders in strengthening their flexibility through structured reflection, real-time feedback, and targeted behavior experiments. These practices not only improve adaptability but also help leaders become more effective, centered, and trusted in times of rapid change.
In the next and final article in this series, we will explore Stress Tolerance, a core emotional intelligence competency that enables leaders to manage pressure and maintain effectiveness amidst volatility.
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References
- Auerbach, J. (2001) Personal and Executive Coaching: The Complete Guide for Mental Health Professionals. College of Executive Coaching
- Bar-On, R. (2000). Emotional and social intelligence: Insights into theory and practice. In R.
- Bar-On & J.D.A. Parker (Eds.), The Handbook of Emotional Intelligence (pp. 363–388). Jossey-Bass
- Dweck, C. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House
- Foster, S. & Auerbach, J. (2015). Positive Psychology in Coaching. College of Executive Coaching
- Pulakos, E., Kantrowitz, Tracey, Schneider, B. What leads to organizational agility: It's not what you think. Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research, Vol 71(4), Dec 2019, 305-320
- Stein, S., & Book, H. E. (2006). The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success (2nd ed.). Jossey-Bass
